Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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