Sorry, I don't speak sober.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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