Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I can text with my tongue
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can't turn off my feet"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
