I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you would pick up someone in the library
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
