It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
