He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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