how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
