no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So many bounce houses so little time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
