I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
