I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
