I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
