Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
