When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
