Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize