he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize