im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
