No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
