The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
