9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
