I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize