so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
