I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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