guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
