I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
