If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
