I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
