dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
