Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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