Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
