I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
