he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She needs sedatives and a leash
So much rum. So many feels.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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