Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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