Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
