I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
