Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
