you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dick very happy bro
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
