dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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