Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
