I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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