he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
