I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
