dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
