Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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