oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
