True but thats because hes a fetus.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize