Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
