Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
