I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
