Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
