you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it's like iHOP with fire
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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