And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
