Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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