I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
