there's paper in my vomit.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
