What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
