she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
