i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
