Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
