im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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