i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
