grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
