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I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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