I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
why do cheetos always look like penises
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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