I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
