I think my vagina is haunted
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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