I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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