I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
