i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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