I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
