i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
