Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
