He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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