I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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