I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
