So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
