Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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