Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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