Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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